The return of the Zodiac
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: What if the Mystery Shack gang had suceeded completing the Zodiac? What if the side-effects were more unpleasent then predicted? What if they were later revived by the elements of harmony? How would the gang deal with this strange new world? And how will Equestria deal with them? Dipper X Harem, Mable X harem.
1. Chapter 1

**The return of the Zodiac**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

"Him and I...Grammar Stanley"

Corrects an unrepentant Ford as Stan joins the circle...now in a different universe this poorly timed 'grammer nazi' attitude would cause an enraged Stan to break the circle and attack Ford dooming everyone- for the moment -

 **Click**

Thankfully, this is NOT that universe. Stan stops Mid-rage as a familiar lump is pressed against his chest. "Move and I shoot." Stated Wendy coldly as she pressed the crossbow tip further into the skin above Stan's heart.

Stan gulps...but obliges. Wendy nods...then turns to Ford, "Say another word, and YOU get it." She says darkly as she points the crossbow at him. Ford gulps but also nods.

Dipper once more looked at her in awe as they complete the Zodiac-

 **CRASH!**

Just in time!

"HA! I GOT YOU ALL- WAIT!? WHAT?! NO!

But it was too late...the zodiac would not be denied...it enveloped the malevolent Triangle Demon...and turned him to stone!

 _"YEAH! HE'S GONE! WE DID IT! GREAT JOB EVERYONE!"_ Shouted everyone excitedly as the now miniature Bill statue feel in between them...

Their celebration was short lived... A familiar laugh was heard, _"Jokes on you suckers! I maybe powerless now...but so are you!"_ 'Shouts' the Bill statue.

The group was terrified by their foe returning...then confused by his words...suddenly they realized that it wasn't 'words'...it was thoughts! they were reading his thoughts! ...In fact...instead of speaking, they were ALL projecting words into each others minds!

 _"Uh...guys? Why can't I move?"_ Asks a concerned Soos. And that's when they realized something...Bill wasn't the only statue...they all were! Their bodies were completely petrified. their clothes were untouched- except Dipper, Stan and Wendy's hats for some reason -making them all look like someone put clothes on a bunch of statues holding hands around a freakish demon statue!

Stan...eloquent as ever...summed up everyone's thoughts: _"Well, this sucks..."_

...

With Bill defeated, his minions got sucked back home, and all his damage was undone...soon they were just a bunch of Statues in the middle of the forest...the Fearamid long gone...

Interestingly enough...the three Journals were fully restored and fell to the ground before them within the circle...before getting petrified as well. _"Great...even if we could move- which we can't -we still wouldn't be able to read to pass the time."_ Thinks/shouts Ford.

There was a long awkward pause... _"So...anyone know any good games to pass the time?"_ Asks Soos. _"OH! ME!"_ Shouts Mable. _"NO!"_ Screams everyone else.

...

People came to look for them naturally...sadly their telepathic powers couldn't extend to anyone not a statue it seemed... They found them...assumed the worse...held a ceremony honoring them...and then left...

 _"I spy...with my little eye-_

 _"A rock."_ Interrupts Stan dully.

 _"Dang! Everytime he gets it."_ Exclaims Soos...

...

Time...went by...the sun and moon the only thing to indicate the passage of time at all...the group got so desperate...they even let Mable choose a game-

 _"140520 bottles of ginger ale on the wall! 140520 bottles of ginger ale!" "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"_ Screamed Bill in horror, he knew realms of torment that was worse suffering then this...

...

 _"op! I think it's about to give!"_ Shouted Pacifica happily, after some time, the group had realized, that since their clothes hadn't petrified...they were slowly but Shirley rotting away...at first they were a bit embarrassed to the prospect of being exposed to everyone for seemingly all eternity...but frankly...they were just so BORED! They'd been here...even Ford had lost track! They could tell time by the position of the sun and moon, and the season from the weather and leaves...but that's it! It was...kinda just all bluring together at this point...

In any case...now they had made a bit of a game of it...

..and it looked like...Wendy's shirt would be the first piece of clothing to give out...one more blow of the wind...and yep, the frazzled flannel was now gone! _"Huh, I honestly forgot if I was wearing a bra or not."_ Thought Wendy dimly as the others gave some good natured catcalls...

...

 _"HEY! Don't even think about it!"_ Shouts Stan as a chupicabra raised it's leg near his...what happened next prompted laughter from everyone else...

...

 **BOOM!**

 _"And it just...we Traingles were at the bottom of the heap...we had NO say in anything...when we were born, when we were to die, who we could love, our very thought, feelings and dreams were dictated and controlled by our cruel masters! That saw us as worse then chattel!"_ Sobbed Bill as he told his life story...

 **BOOM!**

 _"Wow...that's horrible...not enough to justify all the horrible things you did AFTER you destroyed your home dimension...but still...I'm so sorry Bill."_ Said a sympathetic Mable

 **BOOM!**

 _"Thanks Mable-_

 **BOOM!**

 _-y'know...I thought this whole thing would be-_

 **BOOM!**

 _-Would be hell to live through-_

 **BOOM!**

 _-But you've really-_

 **BOOM!**

 _-I mean having you here-_

 **BOOM!**

 _-What I'm trying to say-_

 **BOOM!**

 **BOOM!**

 **BOOM!**

 _"FOR THE LOVE OF XANATOS, WHAT IS THAT RACKET!? I'M TRYING TO HAVE SOME STINKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HERE!"_

Ford, the only one in any position to see anything... _"I think...yep, Mushroom cloud. Looks like humanity's finally ending it all." "Eh, was bound to happen sooner or later."_ Said the jaded Robbie with a mental shrug of apathy, and his equally jaded companions agreed...

All this time to think and do nothing...had given them plenty of time to mourn and get over how they're family and friends had long since died...now...now there was just the question of who's clothes were gonna rot off next...

...

...and the answer was...

 _"well! There goes your boxers Dipper! Heh, 'early bloomer' huh?"_ Teased Wendy playfully.

Dipper mentally shrugged off the acknowledgment of his teeny weeny, _"Hey...I'm not as small as Robbie."_

Robbie chuckled, _"Maybe not...but at least I get a birds eye view of Mable getting sick at looking at her brothers willy for the next eternity."  
_

Yep, it was amazing how enough time could make a person get use and brush off everything...

 _"I wish I could claw out my never-closing eyes!"_ Screamed Mable...

...well...almost everything...

...

 **BOOM!**

 _"Well...there goes the mushroom clouds again...so much for the 'great ape confederacy'"_ Says Soos calmly as yet another civilization bit the dust.

 _"Soos pay attention! That was 5 Armageddons ago! Were onto the 'great slug empire's' deathrattle now!"_ Corrected Ford.

 _"Wait, was the apes before or after the crocodile federation went up in smoke?"_ Asked Gideon confused.

 _"It was AFTER the Crocodiles, I remember quite clear."_ Said Wendy.

 _"But BEFORE the camels."_ Pointed out Pacifica.

 _"Hold on! I definitely remember the camels biting it BEFORE the jellyfish!"_

And so they argued about it into the night...long after the last slug fell down dead...and new life could start again...

...

 _"ugh, great Unicorns...I was over them BEFORE I turned to stone."_ Says Mable as the two alicorn sisters begin to survey the spot as the new place for their palace.

"Sister what are we to do with those odd statues?" Asks Luna.

Celestia thinks on it, "Oh, just build around them. Such ancient artifacts should be preserved...plus, it'll do wonders for the decor!" Luna rolls her eyes...but agrees.

...

 _"YEESH! And I thought our relationship was bad!"_ Said Stan to Ford as they watched Celestia banish her sister to the moon...

...

After that, the castle was abandoned...and left to rot...until...

 _"Huh, a rag-tag team of adventurers on an epic journey to defeat a great evil...boy dose that bring back memories."_ Says Ford happily as he watches the mane six try to activate the elements of harmony.

 _"Speak for yourself."_ Says bill annoyed.

"AND FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!" Shouted Twilight as the elements ignited.

Dipper rolled his eye's, _"Really? That's the best thing you could think to-_

 **ZAP!**

And then the elemental energy hit them...and the group breathed their first breath eons...felt the breeze on their bare skin...and one look at each other...and they were flesh once more!

"We...were alive! Were alive!" They all shouted and ran to give each other a hug...only to fall down immediately since they weren't use to walking again...but they didn't care! THEY WERE ALIVE!

The mane six looked at this in astonished confusion.

"Oooookay...that just happened." Said Twilight...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: I am rewriting this story and continuing it in 'Tales of the falls'(it'll be easier to keep track of)  
**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **...**

 **ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! the publisher is Xlibris** ** **, also available at Inkitt, Amazon and BarnesandNoble.****


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